I don’t think I would ever get used to the idea of men being able to just “whip out their fleshy appendages” and urinate by the side of the road.

Trust me, I don’t say this as a begrudged member of the female species who has to be extra careful when urinating. I just say this as a highly disgusted human being.

Every once in a while you find yourself so pressed to use the powder room, only, there is no powder room nearby. If you can hold it, you do. If you can’t, you find a bush or some sort of enclosed space. Here in Nigeria, it is very common for buses travelling long distances to stop every once in a while so that their passengers can relieve themselves. It’s not always at a gas station with toilets. Most times it’s just on the road. As a certified Ajala*, it goes without saying that I have been in such buses more times than I care to account for and I have had to find myself some corner, as hidden as it can be or risk destroying my bladder. This is why I always wear a long free gown to travel. So you see, I’m not completely ignorant.

No problem there.

The problem is when a full grown man, who may or may not have the brain of a goat, comes by your window and goes ahead to do his business there! Why? Just tell me, why?!

I live in a sort of hostel here in Bauchi, where I am currently serving my fatherland. Also my motherland. It was provided by my PPA* and as I didn’t want to spend money on accommodation, I took it. I’ve been there since September and so far, so good. My room is one of the first ones so my window is right out front.

This is my hostel. Dilapidated building and all.

The first man came sometime in December. I had just returned after my call to bar and I was cleaning my room. Next thing I heard was the sound of dripping liquid outside my window. Or so I thought. I actually thought someone was pouring water out their window from one of the rooms upstairs. I look out to confirm and I see this guy, happily uriniating in front of my window. What the hell!

I quickly looked away because guys, I don’t want to see what I don’t want to see, especially when it belongs to a really dirty, probably uncircumcised person. Nobody should even come at me with any judgemental look. I’ve lived with these guys, I know what I’m saying.

Anyway, that was the first. I told myself it was a one time thing, probably won’t happen again, bla bla bla and I moved on with my work.

Guess what? I was very wrong. It continued to happen. Different guys. One of them very consistent, and it was someone I knew. I thought about going to tell him off, I’m still thinking of it.

That’s my window circled in purple. The ledge is circled in red. Sort of.

Then the boss happened. As you can see from the picture above, there is a small ledge before the window and the men just stand in front of that and proceed… But our Oga from few days back, he didn’t stand in front of the ledge ooh. Oga climbed the ledge, squatted directly beneath my window, like he squeezed himself into that space and started urinating.

Let me explain. I’m lying on my bed, playing my Word Cookies. I hear footsteps and I look up. Nobody. I stand up to get a proper look. Nobody. Then I see liquid trickling down the ledge directly in front of me. People of God, how does one deal with this kind of thing eh? I just waited for the man to stand up and then I banged on the window really hard, screaming,”Get out. This is somebody’s freaking window! “. I was so mad!

Dear men, I know the idiots I’m dealing with will probably never read my blog but please, can you guys try to desist from this habit? I know, nature has made it easier for you and all that but don’t go and do it in front of somebody’s freaking window.

The next guy that comes, I think I’ll just wait for him to pull it out and then I will scream really hard. Some people don’t think.

Phew! Just got me worked up unnecessarily.

Have a nice day lovely people.


Ajala- Let’s just say this is a Yoruba slang for someone who travels a lot. Like me.

PPA – Place of Primary Assignment. Place where I have to work for my compulsory service year.

Published by clandie

Most loved daughter of a King. Lawyer and aspiring writer. Hair lover and everyday story teller.

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  1. Yea, like I said, that information is public knowledge already.

    Difficult doesn’t begin to explain it my sister!


  2. Lol, it must have been difficult for you πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚. Sorry about that. But I think you shouldn’t have disclosed your environment for personal reasons and security purpose.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You’re right. But for some reason, I’m not scared about that. Very strange, a bit foolish too.

      Plus, my PPA has accommodation for their corp members only at Games Village. Information not hidden at all.


  3. πŸ€£πŸ€£πŸ€£πŸ€£πŸ€£πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ€£πŸ€£πŸ€£oh Chi! I have always been disgusted with the nonchallance with which these men urinate anywhere and everywhere too. Would sooooo love to know how a screaming bout went, next time!

    Liked by 1 person

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