What do you say to someone who is mourning?

In the past few months, two of my classmates have lost parents. I woke up yesterday morning to see that my class WhatsApp group was mourning. My secondary school class. There was a name there. Uchechi. We had so many Uchechis in our set. I started thinking of all the ones I knew. Hoping, praying that it wasn’t anyone I knew personally.

It was. She had not just been in my set at Federal girls, we ended up at the same University. I got in before her so I was like a year ahead. I kinda remember the first time I saw her at Ibadan. I knew the face, didn’t know the name. She walked up to me and said, “Feddy babe abi?” She went on to introduce herself like we usually do. Name, Dorm, class arm. I had been in blue, she in yellow.

Now she’s dead.

I’m not even about to lie. I don’t know what to feel. I started losing people in 2016. Oh, people I knew had died before then. But the hits close to home started in 2016.

Last year started with the news of Esther. She was like a small mama. And then, she was a FECAite and a Lawyer.

Then Dami. My classmate in Law School.

Then it was my Grandma.

And then a month after my Grandma, while I was writing my Bar Finals, my dad’s younger sister. I remember thinking how my grandma would scream at her if she saw her and order her to come back to earth immediately.

She didn’t come back.

These where people I knew. Spoke to. I had touched them. I didn’t know how to feel. I still don’t.

I remember finding out about Esther. I was still on the phone when I started crying. I walked through Mammy Market in Law school crying my eyes out. Found a spot to hide and cry. And then I went back to my room and slept.

So what do you say to someone who is mourning? When it was me, I just wanted everyone to shut up. Sorry. May their soul rest in peace. Some would even say Perfect Peace. Then there was the I know how you must be feeling. No you don’t. I don’t even know.

So I’ve learned to shut up. I’ll usually say that I pray God comforts them because I sincerely believe that it’s a job only God can undertake.

Loss is a terrible thing to deal with. Especially, when it’s a person you are losing. I can’t imagine losing a parent. Now two of my classmates are living with that.

How do you comfort someone who is mourning?


Published by clandie

Most loved daughter of a King. Lawyer and aspiring writer. Hair lover and everyday story teller.

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  1. Death is so painful because it causes a huge loss. A permanent loss at that.

    I also don’t know how to comfort a grieving person.

    Perhaps you just sit around them and say nothing for as long as you can.

    We will never know how someone feels to lose a loved one. Never.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’d let them know that their anger is normal, their grieving is normal. It’s okay to feel numb, it’s okay to be quiet or scream if they wanted to. I’d remind them that it’s personal and different for each person. I’d also remind them that I’m there to listen if they need to talk.
    I agree that it’s fine to remain quiet and just be there.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I remember when I lost my Grandma and a friend asked how she was. I said 80. I guess she thought it was comforting ’cause the next she said was, “You should be celebrating. At least she was old.” I felt like punching her in the face, Lol.

      Silence is always Golden.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. OMG why do people do that?? A friend said that I should get over my grandpa’s death because he was old and another time after my uncle died she implied that nobody cares. It was so mean, even after she apologized it still haunts me to this day.
        In these cases silence is golden. But if I saw someone hurting I’d give them a hug and tell them not to ignore her/his feelings. Like just go with it, that’s one of the reasons I opened the blog.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. You say nothing to them.
    “So I’ve learned to shut up. I’ll usually say that I pray God comforts them because I sincerely believe that it’s a job only God can undertake.”

    Liked by 1 person

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