If I could mess with Time and Chance, I would do it without blinking. First, my mother would still be alive. If she hadn’t died, I would not have been crowned Queen. I would have a better relationship with my dad. So many things would not be the way they are now.
I miss my dad. I saw his picture on my phone yesterday and I realized that even he had started to give in to Time’s advances.
I think it’s normal and quite expected that we see our fathers as heroes in shining armour that can never be tarnished. We never expect them to be weak or frail. I found it strange each time my father was sick. I still find it very strange each time I hear he hasn’t been so well. It goes against every thing I know or expect of fatherhood. Of course, he never tells me. My step mother does all the calling.
Back to where I started, I saw my dad’s picture yesterday. It was one I had taken with my iPhone but for some reason, it was not so clear. I was the only one using an iPhone at home so of course, I was the official photographer and video woman whenever we were together.
That night I remember the horror on my dad’s face when he saw my hands. “YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE A QUEEN!” He roared from across the room.
It was our little secret. After my mum died, my dad said I was the new queen. He bought a tiara and a flowing white dress and crowned me with words from the Book of Common Prayer we always kept on my mother’s oak bookshelf. He read me the rules I would have to adhere to, stuff like doing my chores, telling no lies and never hurting my subjects. Then he walked me around the house, showing me my new kingdom, he said and bringing me up to speed. I asked if he was going to get married again and he said probably. He was only 30 after all but his new wife was not going to be any trouble. He married my step mother and she was the coolest. I was 6.
That night, looking at his shocked and very angry face, I remember thinking my kingdom just crumbled. Saying I was supposed to be queen meant I had done something queens never do. My father stood over me long after the crowd was gone. He didn’t touch me. He held my step mother.
I lost my castle that night. I still blame KC. His family hushed everything and after he recovered, we never spoke again. But my kingdom was already in shambles.
But somewhere deep inside I blamed my dad too. It was not his fault but I heard her for the first time after my coronation. That first time, all she said was Hi. She started off being very soft and by the time I was 10, she was very strong
She was the real Queen and when she said stab, I, nothing more than a slave, stabbed.