Because this blog is my scream pillow.

I want to scream right now and I can’t do it in civil society. But I think I can do it here.

Aaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrgggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhh!

I don’t feel my best. The above is what I’ve been reciting to myself for the past 3 hours and I’m failing miserably.

I’m not very happy but I’m learning now more than ever how I don’t need happiness to be grateful. I don’t feel much joy in my spirit right now but I’m trying to feel gratitude in the hope that I’ll be grateful for the little things, see how God has blessed me and be joyful from that.

But it’s hard. I want to scream at God. I want to shout at him and ask him why he let this happen to me. But I’m learning to be grateful. I’m am awfully slow learner though.

I’m still crying. Knowing I should stop but I can’t. With each tear that drops, I’m saying Thank you Jesus because you never stop being faithful and you are faithful even now. I praise you because you are faithful forever. You are good forever. I can’t see or feel it but you never stop working. You are working even now. Thank you Jesus. For this lesson. Thank you Father. Thank you. Thank you. I trust you completely because I know there is a plan and the plan is good. It is perfect. Thank you because you are not a wicked God. I thank you because you never failed me yet. I trusted you before, I will yet trust you.

I will still praise you. I’m tempted to cry with my mouth closed but no. I will give you praise in my tears and I will not be silent.

Praising still. Pained but praising still.


I saw my bar result today and yay! I passed. Call to bar is set for 28th November 2018. Baby girl is going to be a lawyer very soon!

God is faithful!


Clandie πŸ’ž

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