I’m in a room filled with people.
Everyone sees me and says hi.
I reply sweetly with endearments.
Gosh! There are so many people here!
Some shake me, some hug me.
Others playfully pull my hair.
I look pretty with my smile.
My make-up and clothes are perfect.
I am confident, that’s what they see.
I am also lonely, that’s what they don’t see.
All it took was one hurt,
All it took was one wound, one cut.
And to shut it out, I shut myself down.
I built a strong fortress and locked its gates.
I was protecting myself. Or so I thought.
Over the years, I failed to notice,
How my fortress had become a dungeon,
My place of protection, a prison.
And somehow, I couldn’t get out.
I had thrown the keys away,
In trying to throw out the garbage.
I am cold even in the sea of warm bodies around me.
My eyes have become glassy,
Glazed by the pain and hurt I feel.
I’ve learnt to give the perfect smile.
I sound happy, even to the envy of others.
Yet deep down, the real me, hurting
Is screaming for help.
Can’t they see my wounds?
Can’t they hear my cries?
I’ve run helter skelter, from pillar to post.
In the process, gone from frying pan to fire.
I’ve given up hope, disappointed by the world.
If they’ve decided to ignore me, so be it!
I’m my own woman, my own person!
I will survive!
Hehehe! The laugh of deceit.
Who exactly am I deceiving?
I say I can do without them,
And yet, I still crave their attention.
Just a glance please!
Look my way for just a second!
I want you to love me!
Give me the attention I can’t give myself.
Show me the care I can’t find on my own.
In my deep search, I became aware of Him.
What would happen if I loved myself?
What would happen if I loved Him?
What if I turned to my maker?
Surely, He would know all about His product!
Surely, He would have a word of advice!
What if I stopped searching for warmth
In all the wrong places?
What if I changed my focus
And turned to warmth Himself, the Uncreated Sun?
And so I set out a new plan.
I stopped focusing on the world
And what it could never give me.
I stopped my hopeless rat race,
I sat in one place and thought.
I got out of the fire
And out of the frying pan too.
I cleaned out the ashes
But oh! How great the burns!
I took one look at my burns
And took to my heels again!
Patience, He calmly said.
Running takes you back to the fire
And makes the wounds stay.
I screamed at Him.
I wanted love, affection and healing
And I wanted it now!
Relax… I figured I’d better obey.
After all, my method hadn’t worked
And He had heard the wailings of my muted voice.
I cleaned out the ashes again
But this time, there was no running as I saw my burns.
I had put them there in a way,
This time, I went for healing salve.
The salve was soothing but painful.
Oh! The tears it brought to my eyes!
But, I was getting results.
I was hoping again.
I started to love myself,
Appreciating what He had made – Me.
Yea, I started to love Him too.
So much more than I loved myself.
So much that He became my First.
Our love grew, well, basically mine.
Because His love unchanging had always been there.
With all these healing,
I found the key to the dungeon.
Oh what bliss to be out in the open again,
To feel the breeze and hear the birds sing!
Now my eyes are sparkling and my smile is genuine.
My clothes look better because of the wearer,
And make-up doesn’t matter.
Now I feel the warmth when I’m greeted and hugged.
The love I feel makes my confidence real.
Because I found Him, I found Love.
Long right? I thought so too. Well, that’s the opening scene to my LOVE SERIES. Anticipate!